I have a problem with naps- I really try to take them, especially when needed yet it will take me a  r e a l l y  long time to settle time to settle into one and once I’m in, I’ll sleep a few hours and need to wake up again like it’s the first thing in the morning.  This is the place where I write you from…. I tried to lay down and take a nap but I do not want to sleep the day away.  I am however feeling so dangerously tired that the studio isn’t a good idea.  AND on top of it, I’m trying to severely cut back my coffee habit.  This is day one.  I am perhaps working my way towards slap happy.

When I was in college, I never slept.  Ever.  My roommate called me at the studio to catch up and see how I am.  My friends at the studio would send me home to shower.  My best friend, Jess, couldn’t help to stare at the grease accumulating in my hair…. when it got to that point, I knew it was time to have downtime.  It was, in fact, the 90s and the grunge movement was in full swing so a little bit of grease went a long way.  I’m not proud of my scuzzbucket years but I am proud of that work ethic.  It was something I had to get used to when I started teaching- I remember Jess saying that I could not expect to have a classroom of students willing to go balls to the wall like I did (She did too.  It was so much fun to have a partner in crime).  But when it happens, it really is great to recognize a little bit of myself in them.

But post BFA- I got a severe case of MONO and I never have been the same since.  There’s a lesson in that, I’m sure and I think it’s all about balance and acceptance.  I’ve gotten so much better about it and maybe in some cases, I’m just too good.  I have been working on not being all work, all the time.  I know that’s the place I go when stressed and often time when I say I’m going home to work, I end up here on the computer researching a project or funding opportunities, or exhibits to apply to.  It’s been challenging to be ok with relaxing.  I can easily beat myself up about a movie day in front of the tv.  It’s hard to allow myself time to relax.  All in all, when everything else seems to fall off, I find comfort in working.

So the studio recently has been a lovely haven of mania.  I am back at it with another Architect’s Daughter.  This may be the most ambitious of all- perhaps not in size but in trussed density.  It feels good to work on this one (although burnout rate is 2.5 hours max and then I need to move onto to something else).  I don’t know what it is about me that enjoys compulsive, borderline obsessive, work.  I love to knit and I do many commissions that involve mosaic….. (check out the most recent project http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmqjoJtlp18 and don’t mind about how hot I looked.  It was over 90 degrees during the project but I digress).

I guess it could relate back to sleeping- I seem to find comfort in working.  I feel good about it.  And I often think I need to work harder (like now).  Why is that?  Perhaps the sense of accomplishment it brings.  Perhaps it’s the thing that I know for certain will always be there.  Perhaps it’s because I am not where I think I should be yet.  That’s a hard pill to swallow as I try to allow myself to accept that where I am in exactly where I need to be.

ps. I know the blog posts have slowed down however I’m working on upping my profile in the social networking world.  I will still be a dedicated blogger but if you want up the the minute knowledge of what I am doing RIGHT NOW, follow me on Twitter or maybe even friend me on Facebook.  I’m sure I will be talking about things in addition to the studio, like cupcakes and butterflies.  As I get more advanced, I can’t wait to Twitpic with up to the second studio progress and all things lovely.  Wouldn’t you like to know about that?