When I was in high school, I had an incredible English Lit teacher, Mr. Kohl. I’ve always liked to read and I pretty much have always bought into any form of mythology possible whether it is fairy tales, classic lit, comic books, or sci fi. I think for a long time I loved the escapism that these stories provided because really, as a child, I would want to be in these stories with all sincerity. Why else would I feel comfortable enough to roam the neighborhood in underoos.

But I think I really didn’t GET the bigger picture in some of these things until Mr. Kohl’s class. Sure, I understood the methods of fables and the tool of metaphor but I think Mr. Kohl approached literature with far less rhetoric and for the first time, he laid out classic narrative in a way that the conflict was more timeless. And that- was something I just never really got or related to before. (keep in mind- this was a time before the contemporary remakes by Baz Lurmann or even the other Shakespeare turned high school drama stories). So when we tackled Hamlet, I didn’t have much interest but by the end, I was absolutely hooked.

We read Hamlet that year and I was introduced to Ophelia- the paramount example of the upper middle class white girl struggles with identity. And a few years later, when I studied abroad- I was lucky enough to spend nearly an afternoon in the Pre-Raphealite room at the Tate (while nearly ignoring the enormous Turner exhibition downstairs out of boredom- I’ve grown up since then, I promise! and now am a great lover of Turner). So in the Pre-Raphealite room there are amazing visuals for the narratives that I was introduced to in Mr. Kohl’s class. The Waterhouse Lady of Shallott was probably the star of the room but there was the Millias Ophelia off the the side at the end of a wall as you turn a corner- placement much as I would imagine the real Ophelia to prefer- present observer, not preferring to really be noticed for who she really is.

It wasn’t until graduate school that I revisited the Ophelia theme. I took an independant study with one of the premier Pre-Raphealite researchers in the country. Under her encouragment, I wrote a paper that worked through Ophelia’s theme over three distinct generations and why that theme resonated. First was a study of Shakespeare’s use of her, second the Pre-Raphealites, over 300 years later, and finally how we have adopted her as a contemporary symbol. This research directly impacted my work and soon after I began my first dress piece entitled Ophelia (go to my website and look it up).

I think the reason why Shakespeare’s narratives remain classic is because the bigger picture is quite human. If you really think about Ophelia throughout the story, she never seems to make decisions of her own volition. She is a pawn played by her father, brother, and boyfriend all while coming of age and defining who she really is. She has no mother figure and the only real female role model for her is the Queen, who is not really the prime example of morality. Ophelia struggles with labels the people around her identify her as and adopts the expectations of her as the ideal of what she needs to fulfill. She never identifies her own goals, hopes, or desires. And when she does not fulfill the conflicting expectations of her- she does the first thing she can think of that would entirely her decision- she kills herself.

Ophelia becomes the epitome of the every girl’s coming of age story. Think about it…. every girl first needs to understand what the hell is going on with her body as she hits puberty- every girl becomes this “childish innocence in a vessel of sexuality.” So the struggle becomes to remain perfect. Look perfect, act perfect, be perfect and the MOMENT that doesn’t happen- the world crashes down. As a girl starts to look like a woman, they have new expectations to act a certain way and suggests that just in physical development that they will have the maturity to make or form adult contexts for who they are. And yeah- every tenage girl wants to be taken as older than they really are and be thought of as normal and accepted and well, cool.

There are legions of Ophelia’s at every highschool and college. They are trying to understand who they are and often they allow friends and even boyfriends to pinpoint what that means. And instead of casting themselves into a river, they handle it with drinking, substance abuse, eating disorders, body multilation, and sexual promiscuity. These are all indicators of young women trying to reign in a sense of control about who they are and what that means.

SO with Ophelia, I found a character that seemed quite familiar to me. She was someone that I identified with and recognized within myself. Like many girls, my coming of age story is riddled with stories of low self esteem and confusion. For some reason, the strong, confident child who believed she was Wonder Woman and Princess Leia now didn’t think she was worth much. I’m still trying to figure out what happened there but what is comforting is that I have an understanding as to why that happened in the bigger picture. I feel good about that. What is more important is that “authentic identity” has become such a treasure to me. It took me years to understand that even though I have many influences and examples laid before me to define my character, I am the ultimate decision maker. My identity is my own creation.