I had a post for you about last week’s Red Show however, sweet readers, I had a few conversations tonight about what I do and how I got here.  I drove home tonight thinking about it

After class tonight, I was wrapping up and talked with the popcorn kids and Lizzie.  They mentioned that they want the type of life that I have.  My gut reaction was- “oh my god, why???”  They all asked what degree I have and how long I’ve been teaching and I got off on tangental stories about how I used to throw up before classes the first five years of teaching and how public speaking terrifies me.  Yet, this is what I do every day.  I have an audience of minimum 100 people per week (this week, make that 120 since I was a guest speaker for an “Art and Feminism” grad seminar). 

I know have been teaching nearly ten years.  It feels like a huge milestone that I should be celebrating but I will be frank with you, readers, I will not have my contract renewed at one of my three schools this fall and within the year, it seems a similar thing will happen with another program I am involved with.  I have to say I have an undercurrent of worry that seems a bit deep seeded because, let’s face it, I don’t have three jobs because I want to run around like a crazy person- I have three because I need them.  I need them for many different reasons really and of course what is always paramount is financial stability. 

I left class and I went to my office to gather my things and I ran into George, tenured faculty, who was there late doing his committee drudgery- and task I don’t need to do since I am not tenured faculty( however I think it wouldn’t neccessarily mind it).  I like pounding away on a keyboard doing organizational typey things- and I am not belittling committee work here.  I’m a weirdo who likes to organize things and fill out forms in pretty ways.

I think George feels bad about me losing my job.  Actually, many of my colleagues have expressed this to me and have been nothing but complementary and helpful- as much as they can.  George felt confident that I am doing everything right to land that “tenure track.”  Everyone really has said it and quite honestly- I think I get some pretty kick ass results from pretty kick ass students.  I really think my student portfolio is something to see and well, I’m told I’m not so shabby myself.  It’s all about weathering the storm and wanting it that bad.

But it all brings me back to having a life like mine….. it’s certainly not an easy one whatsoever but when I think of it, I could be in one really crappy waitressing job, or worse yet, in a cubicle where you whisper to your neighbor and worry about your stats.  Me, I get to talk about something I love every single day and I get to help students love what they do every single day (and yes, at times make them mask their paint but one day they will thank me for it…. I just know it).

Go on, readers….. you can want my life too.  It’s not easy- nothing is- but at least I love what I do (well, maybe I could go without grading…. I don’t love that so much :)  My best advice is to find something you love that much and do it with every ounce of your being.  That’s the life I want and the goal I set out for myself.