Last night was First Friday at the BF and quite frankly I was not really in the mood to the be there. I feel bad starting off my post this way because I always swore to myself that I was not going to allow my blog to be a big downer to my readers but unfortunately I’m not shaking this off so perhaps writing through it will help.

We all know that there is an enormous field of art and a wide spectrum of appreciators. There is something under the sun for everyone and I realize I will not be everyone’s favorite artist. That’s ok with me- I even have welcomed that. I’m in such a diverse field that its exciting to hear what people respond to and why. I realize I live in an area that doesn’t have huge museums, an enormous gallery scene or prolific amounts of experimental art. And for some reason I still have been ok with that while still sitting patiently for the shadow of the big cities to enlighten this little valley. Being a part of First Friday was at first a bit daunting but after a while, I felt the charming “it’s sugar!!” remarks as a small token of acceptance to this sleepy valley.

Last night I was challenged by a visitor to my studio- which hasn’t been the first time- but this time I’m having a hard time shaking it off. I do take pride that I make work that is honest as well as something people may not want to handle or think about in their daily life. I realize I have chosen to do this for myself and feel strongly that at this point in my ever-evolving career that I am making things that are from an empowered and clear place. It is thrilling for me and I love the energy of the artistic search.

So when the visitor REentered my studio last night and planted himself on my chair, I figured he had something serious to discuss. He started to ask why the bold amputations, truncated figures and the only use of color being red. I tried to explain it as this metaphor for realizing identity and the shift that search ignites in our consciousness. This attention to who I am comes from a careful inventory of questions I ask myself, things I evaluate, and notions I discard as not useful or not applicable to the person I hope to be. I tried to explain the use of the imagery is organized much like literature while providing examples how narrative is a form of learning a larger lessons that shape our humanity. And I tried to express that the goal of my art is to be honest- main objective NOT to be beautiful however if it happens along the way, GREAT!

However in expressing my motives, organization, objectives, I was dismissed as sick, dysfunctional, and f&!*ed up. This lack of wanting to understand disgusts me and the combative nature to argue that my imagery is demented is just so frustrating.

When listening what I had to say, he finally says that my artwork does not make him feel good about himself. To which I responded- that is not my responsibility. I am wondering, really really wondering why viewers believe that that art is supposed to make them feel better about their lives and never challenge their beliefs, morals, and ethics. And why when it does, is it my fault?

I think what happens here is that people forget that art speaks for the consciousness of society. I can’t say that I have society channeling through me or anything but all I can say is that I am making work that is important to me and I know is important to other people. And in making that work I feel I speak for myself but also for people who are not sure how to express a similar feeling or and feeling they have trouble to acknowledging. I am here to make a difference and do it the best way possible. I know I don’t speak for everyone but I know I speak for someone and it is important to say, express, and stand up for it.

I’m finding that like a lesson I have learned in life that I am not something to match drapes to and accessorize with pillows- just like as a woman, I am not waiting for anyone to tell me what to do, how to act, or who to be. I’m Heather Sincavage. Deal with it.

Postscript: I wrote this at home over the weekend but have been unable to get online until in my office today- hence the delay in posting.